Faith Without Guarantees

 

Recently, during our sister reunion with my niece and her family, some things from my past came out that I wasn't expecting. I'm honest with God, and I'm honest with others.

I don't believe that trusting God means we will always have everything we need or be protected from every hardship in this life. I saw what my momma went through. In the end, she had food and shelter, but she lost much of her dignity and safety. There were even times she was without shoes or clothing because other residents took them. She lived in her own little world, and in a strange way, I thank God that she didn't fully understand the reality of the life she was living.

We did the best we could for her with the resources God gave us. Momma was a devout Christian who read her Bible daily and treated people with kindness and love. I don't believe her suffering meant God didn't love her. But I also can't pretend that faith guarantees I will be cared for differently as I grow older. That isn't a lack of faith. It's being real.

I do believe God showed Momma mercy by not allowing her to live in that situation for many more years. Her life was shortened, and for that, I am thankful she did not have to endure what so many suffer through for a decade or longer.

All that being said, I love God. I believe in God. I worship God. God is good. I truly believe He wants the best for us, but that doesn't mean we will experience the best this world has to offer.

My prayer is simply that He remains close to me and that I never lose sight of Him—even if one day my mind causes me to forget everything and everyone else. As long as I have Him, I can face whatever comes, good or bad.

This is what I hold onto—not myself, but God. Left to myself, I don't believe I could make it. With God, I can persevere. That doesn't mean only good things are possible. It means that whatever comes, I don't have to face it alone.